50 Years Strong
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Earlier this month, our family got together to celebrate my parent’s 50th anniversary. It was hard to comprehend that they had been married for such a long time. I’m 48 years old, so it obviously makes sense. But I was still grappling with how long they had remained together when I constantly witnessed marriages, including my previous one, fall apart so quickly.
Some would argue that individuals from my parent’s generation were just “built different” or that times were simpler back then. While there may be some truth to this, I believe that there are several factors that have contributed to the higher divorce rate in recent decades.
My dad and mom celebrating 50 years together
Instead of making assumptions, I decided to have a conversation directly with my parents and find out what has been the “glue” that has kept them together for so many years.
Before I make it seem like they have a fairytale relationship, they are no different than most couples. They have gone through amazing times together as well as some of the worst. While they share moments of laughter and enjoyment, there are times when they experience irritation and a desire for some space.
I asked my parents what has kept them together these last 50 years and here’s what they shared:
Respect for Each Other
My mom said that all families have misunderstandings and arguments. But the secret is to not respond when you’re fighting. If you have something to say or want to discuss an item that isn’t to your satisfaction, you make sure to discuss it when everyone is calm. At that heat of the moment, it’s best to keep some of your thoughts in your own head.
Change Your Perspective
When things are calm, it gives you a chance to look at things from a different angle. An example they gave me was if you put a mug on the table, and stared at it from across the room, you could only see the design on one side of it. You can’t see what is on the back. But if you walk around the table to a different location, you get a different perspective and can see what is on the back. Basically, there are other ways of viewing and understanding the same issue you are experiencing.
Don’t Question Everything
In a relationship, questioning everything can lead to mistrust, insecurity, and resentment. It can also stifle communication and make it difficult to resolve conflicts. Instead of constantly questioning, it's important to build a foundation of trust and open communication. This means being honest with your partner, respecting their privacy, and giving them the benefit of the doubt. It also means being willing to listen to their perspective and to compromise when necessary. By focusing on building a strong, trusting relationship, you can create a space where both partners feel safe and supported.
Forgive and Forget
Forgiveness is a crucial element in maintaining healthy and long-lasting relationships. Holding on to grudges and unresolved conflicts can create a toxic atmosphere, leading to resentment, bitterness, and emotional distance. Forgiveness allows individuals to let go of negative emotions, heal from past hurts, and move forward in a positive manner. It promotes open communication, empathy, and understanding, which are essential for a strong and resilient relationship. By choosing to forgive and forget, partners can create a safe and supportive environment, fostering intimacy, trust, and mutual respect.
Be Patient
Patience is a crucial virtue in any relationship. It allows partners to navigate challenges, disagreements, and misunderstandings with compassion and understanding. When individuals are patient with each other, they create a safe and supportive environment where open communication, empathy, and forgiveness can flourish. Patience fosters a deeper connection and intimacy, as partners learn to appreciate and value each other's unique qualities and perspectives. By practicing patience, couples can build a solid foundation for a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Communication is Key
When my parents got engaged, my dad asked my mom for one favor. He shared a Turkish saying which translates to “Animals understand each other by smelling, humans understand each other by talking.” He continued, if you’re upset with me and you don’t tell me, I can’t correct my actions. But if you share with me what hurt your feelings, then I will know what I did wrong and will work to fix it. My parents have tried to stick to this rule over the years, which has helped keep the channel of communication open.
My parents and I at their anniversary dinner
Action Items
Despite their challenges, my parents have always maintained a strong commitment to their relationship. They have made a conscious effort to communicate openly and honestly with each other, even when it was difficult. They have also been supportive of each other and they have always put their family first.
I believe that my parents' relationship is a testament to the power of love and commitment. It is possible to have a long and happy marriage, even in today's fast-paced and demanding world. It just takes hard work, dedication, and a willingness to put in the effort.
My parents' advice is to find a partner who is kind, compassionate, and understanding. Never take your partner for granted and always make time for each other. I am forever grateful for their wisdom and guidance.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Here’s to many more happy and healthy years. Love you both!! ❤️
~Alex
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