Taking Care of Yourself
“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
I’m guilty.
Guilty of always trying to take care of others.
Not sure what it is, but I think it’s something I witnessed my parents and grandparents do throughout my childhood and this made me think it was normal. I would watch my parents constantly sacrifice their wellbeing, time and money to assist people around them. They were givers, and rarely got anything in return.
But helping others, when you aren’t in a good position yourself, comes with a price. It can damage your health, your relationships, your business, your finances and most importantly, your loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to help people, but I am a lot more selective and want to make sure that it doesn’t come at the cost of my own wellbeing.
I saw my grandfather help out those in need, till the day that he died from cancer… and was penniless. I watched my mom and dad constantly help their community and support others that were going through a tough time, all while they had a failing business and their health was deteriorating. Some would say that it was the noble thing to do.
Before the pandemic, I was definitely trying to be a people pleaser. I would fly around the nation to speak at conferences. Going out of my way to accommodate and entertain acquaintances and colleagues that would visit Los Angeles. Taking on meetings that were unnecessary or only beneficial to the other party. Donating my time and money towards a number of causes. The list goes on and on.
But it all comes at a price. I was mentally exhausted, overweight, had no energy and constantly felt the pressure of making everyone happy. Over the years, I hadn’t realized that my priorities had shifted.
Visual Credit: Liz Fosslien
Everything I have worked for has been for my family. Yet, when I was with them, my mind would wander elsewhere. So many times I would catch myself in conversation with my wife and kids and forget what we were even talking about. These are the people who deserve the best version of me and I was giving them zero.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love to help people, but I am a lot more selective and want to make sure that it doesn’t come at the cost of my own wellbeing.
Given I used to travel a lot or be out entertaining clients or friends, my eating habits had suffered. Exercise? What exercise? I hated going to the gym. I used to enjoy playing sports but it got harder and harder to be active due to injuries. And who has the energy to go to the gym after a long day at the office? I averaged about 5 hours of sleep each night and was under the impression that I would function pretty well the next day. Boy was I wrong!
If there’s any silver lining from the pandemic, it’s that it forced people to stop and re-prioritize. Almost like we were stuck in a video game that we had no control over and someone came along and hit the reset button. I welcomed this change with open arms and used it as a way to kick off my metamorphosis to taking better care of myself.
1. Eating Better
Not being able to go out to eat, forced us to cook more at home. My wife Rosa is an amazing cook, me, not so much. But we used to go out with the kids or friends at least a few nights a week and order food occasionally. It was bad. When you aren’t preparing the food, you really don’t know what’s in it. And I had slowly gained weight but was too stubborn to buy pants with a bigger waist size. At one point, I think I was close to 200 pounds.
Rosa and I came to an agreement. We would try to cook at home and barely order any food. Once in a while, when restaurants were starting to open back up, we would go to help support as well as use it as a treat or a mini getaway from the house. You remember those days?
Cooking at home helped us know exactly what was going into our body and we made sure to make healthier meals. Even when we would “eat bad” it still tasted better and was healthier than the processed foods I was used to consuming.
I slowly transitioned to a set breakfast and lunch, Monday through Friday. Meaning, I eat the same bowl of fruit with almond butter in the mornings and a plate of vegetables with some crackers in the afternoon. This has saved me time… and not to mention a bunch of money. But the best part is that my energy levels are through the roof! Now, on the off occasion that I go out to lunch, I can’t stop yawning for the rest of the day. No wonder I was so sluggish all the time!
I’m happy to say that I have slowly lost the unnecessary pounds and am hovering around 170. The important aspect was that this was a lifestyle change and not a quick “I need to lose 10 pounds” fix that always fails. It’s been 4 years and I can’t imagine going back to our old unhealthy habits.
2. Exercising
Remember when I said I hated going to the gym… well I still do. Sort of. During the pandemic, the family canceled their gym membership. I think I had already canceled mine even earlier, since I was barely going. But Rosa and the kids wanted to stay in shape and motivated me as well. So in February of 2021, I ordered the Tonal. Given that I’m a tech enthusiast, I was intrigued by the Artificial Intelligence built into the machine. This is not a commercial for Tonal, but it has changed my views on exercising. It’s constantly pushing me as the AI realizes that I am getting stronger. They have also done a wonderful job of adding new workouts to keep you from getting bored.
It took a few months for it to arrive, due to supply issues (remember that?) but it was delivered in May. We took out the TV that was in our family room and installed the Tonal in that same spot. And I’m proud to say that I have been using it for 3 years straight. The app has some great features and has some gamification built in to keep you motivated. I literally got a badge regarding my 3 Year Streak. YES, I have used the machine or completed exercises through the app, every single day since it was installed in our home.
I might not always be doing a hard core workout everyday, but keeping this streak has been a part of my daily routine. Some days I will do some yoga, or maybe some stretches the day after lifting. 157 weeks later, I’m still going strong.
3. Meditation
In the fast past world that I was entangled in, I never took a moment to slow down and smell the roses. I never carved out time in my day to take a walk and clear my mind. Who has time for that? Well now I realize that I have to make time for it.
As I mentioned above, I use the Tonal app and they have many great meditation programs. During the pandemic, I would sit in my backyard and meditate while listening to the birds chirp. It was blissful! I would feel my stress and worries melt away. It was so soothing and much needed during those crazy times. I’ve continued to maintain this habit and it has served me well.
4. Walking
Rosa and I also added walks into the mix. She’s always gone on walks and hikes, but I would rarely join her. Now I will go for a two mile walk in the morning, every other day. I leave my phone at home, and walk up the hill in my neighborhood. I don’t want the distractions, I don’t need music. I just want to hear my surroundings and absorb them.
Ironically, when my mind is clear like this, it’s when I get a flood of ideas. I used to try and remember these ideas so I could write them down as soon as I got back home. But I recently downloaded a recorder app on my smartwatch, so if I ever need it, I could dictate them as I go for my morning stroll.
5. Sleeping
I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who struggled with this. I conditioned my body to sleep around 1 am and wake up at 6 am. This was a daily routine during the week. On the weekend, I would sleep in a bit, but that’s only because I was up till 2 or 3 am binge watching something that wasn’t even that good. I think I was just trying to keep my mind off of all the other crazy things that were going on at the time.
Now, I start to get ready around 9 - 9:30 pm so that I can be asleep by 10 pm. I still struggle with this, but am getting better. It helps that I am exhausted, since I get up at 5 or 6 am, depending on the day. I avoid having any coffee or caffeine after 12 pm and try to avoid being on my phone after 9 pm. These little details have helped me get a better night’s sleep and wake up refreshed. But, I am still struggling to find a good pillow and have been on a quest. So if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.
Getting up early also gives me ample time to ease into my day and take care of any exercise, meditation or walking that I have planned in the morning. I’ve also found that it’s a great time for me to write these newsletters and respond to emails.
Action Items
You don’t need another pandemic or other major life altering event to get you started. Just start small. Many times we set these crazy goals and realize that there’s no way to achieve them and give up. Don’t stop before you’ve even started. Just start!
Pick one of the five items I mentioned above and set up a game plan. If you’re like me, you get motivated to keep a streak alive. Gamifying the experience helps. It also helps if you have an accountability partner with you. Whether that be your partner, spouse, friend or co-worker.
If you’re trying to eat better and everyone around you in the house is eating junk food, it’s going to be a lot harder to change your habits. Find a way to get everyone in the house to agree to eat better. Even if that’s just one meal a week and you slowly raise it to two.
If you’re going to start walking, start off with a stroll around your block, then build from there. Remember, you’re not training for a marathon. You’re trying to take care of yourself and create healthy habits that you can maintain.
We are constantly reminded, when we board an airplane, that if there is a change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be deployed. But that’s not the important part. The important part is that you need to put on your oxygen mask first before you try to assist others. I think we all know why this is the case.
I think it’s time to put on your oxygen mask first, my friends. Talk to you next week!
~Alex
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